Moms offer their best advice to women expecting their first child

Roarke LaCoursiere shares a tender moment with her first child, 7-month-old Ruth. (Submitted photo)

(In anticipation of Mother’s Day, The Criterion is inviting moms to share one piece of advice you would give to a woman expecting her first child—and/or the best advice someone has ever given you about being a mom. Here is the first story in this series.)
 

By John Shaughnessy

When Roarke LaCoursiere had her first child seven months ago, she not only experienced the joy of giving life to her daughter, she also felt the strong bond of being connected with all moms.

“The best part about becoming a mother is entering into the secret society of mothers everywhere,” notes LaCoursiere, a member of St. Joan of Arc Parish in Indianapolis with her husband Chase.

“You don’t know about the community until you’re a part of it. Only mothers truly understand the sleepless nights, the immense love you feel for your baby and how chaotic life becomes in the blink of an eye.

“When I was in the newborn trenches, mothers I never met before would come up to me at coffee shops, church or the grocery store and ask me how old my daughter was, how I was sleeping and give me a short word of encouragement. They saw me. They knew.”

Knowing the touching and powerful impact of that outreach from other mothers, LaCoursiere strives to do the same when she sees other new moms.

“Realizing the secret society of mothers exists made me feel empowered and helped me realize I was not alone. When the really hard days strike, you are not alone,” says LaCoursiere, who is associate director of the Indiana Catholic Conference, the public policy voice for the Church in the state. “All of this is to say, reach out as much as possible, especially to women who are going through the same phase of motherhood as you.”

She also shares one more piece of advice from a faith perspective.

“Lastly, don’t forget to ask your baby’s guardian angel to help you in caring for and protecting them.”

‘Everything will be OK’

Sometimes the best advice that a new mom can get comes from the women within her own family, especially her mother and grandmothers.

“When I had my first child in 2015, my grandmother gave me some sage advice that I often still reflect on 11 years and three more kids later,” recalls Laura Soto, a member of Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish in Carmel, Ind., in the Lafayette Diocese.

“She said, ‘Your children will grow up in spite of you, not because of you.’ This was not meant in a negative way, but just as a reminder to not agonize over every small decision, thinking that one choice will change the entire trajectory of my child’s life. At that time, I was fretting about anything and everything and feeling very overwhelmed.”

That advice has helped Soto, the assistant controller of the archdiocese, as she and her husband Matt guide the lives of their children, ages 10, 9, 8 and 5.

“This advice allowed me to realize that everything will be OK. I would encourage first-time mothers just to do their best, relax, and remember that God will fill in the gaps if we allow him to.”

‘And don’t forget, God loves you’

As the mother of four grown daughters and the grandmother of four boys, Anita Bardo has always paid close attention to the profound difference that being a mom can have in the lives of her children.

She has also paid close attention to the ways that other people can have an impact on a new mom—and how a new mom needs to care for herself as she cares for her child.

Bardo especially recalls how she was affected by one particular reaction when she was first pregnant.

“I remember someone saying to me when they first saw me, ‘You are beautiful, you are glowing!’ ” says Bardo, a member of St. Rita Parish in Indianapolis. “This is what I’ve said to moms who are expecting for the first time, but also to those I’ve met in the store or at church, not knowing if it’s their first or third pregnancy. And I always ask how they are doing and how they are feeling before going into any further conversation.”

If that approach leads to a deeper conversation, here’s the advice that Bardo would share with a woman expecting her first child:

“Trust your instincts. Even when you feel overwhelmed, you will draw strength from places that you least expect it. Take one day at a time. Rest when you need to rest. Most importantly, ask for help. You may feel guilty in asking, but please ask—you’re not alone in this.

“And always be kind to yourself.”

Bardo, the coordinator of evangelization and discipleship for the archdiocese, also offers this advice for an expectant mother in relation to her child.

“Talk to your baby every day. They are listening. When you are alone and your body is still, quiet moments are important to you and your baby.

“Know that you are stronger than you think. And don’t forget, God loves you.”
 

(The Criterion is continuing to invite our readers to share their thoughts, tributes and stories about motherhood from two perspectives. First, if you are a mom, what’s one piece of advice you would give to a woman who is expecting her first child—and/or the best advice someone has ever given you about being a mom? Second, share your thoughts, tributes and stories about how your mother’s influence has shaped you, your faith and your life—and/or share how you have strived to shape your children’s faith and lives. Please send your submissions to John Shaughnessy by e-mail at jshaughnessy@archindy.org or by mail in care of The Criterion, 1400 N. Meridian St., Indianapolis, IN 46202. Please include your parish and a daytime phone number where you can be reached.) †