Journey of the Heart / Jennifer Burger

First grandchild offers a reminder that God is everywhere

One of the most anticipated moments in life for many is the birth of the first grandchild. This is something that we had hoped for, but we acknowledged that it would be according to God’s plan and his will.

When our daughter announced last fall that they were expecting a child and due in May, this journey of hope came alive. Our daily prayers for this life within the womb, her health, growth and safe passage into the arms of her parents awakened in our hearts a love that was new yet familiar in so many ways as we were making way for this new child and “role” in our lives.

It is a love that I cannot fully describe as it is still unfolding and revealing itself in this wondrous kind of awe.

My experience as a grandparent is limited in terms of time, but I feel like my heart has been ready for moments such as holding a newborn child for an eternity!

We are blessed to live very close to our granddaughter, and I’ve been able to visit and help often since she was born. In these first few weeks of her life, there is not much she can do—she just is.

Other than feeding her and changing diapers, there is not much for me to do but to just “be” with her.

When she is asleep in my arms, I find myself studying her every feature, gently touching her soft skin, paying attention to her sweet little noises, and breathing in that new baby smell, beholding and marveling at the miracle and how beautiful she is. And my heart just melts.

It is when she is awake, however, that I have experienced a deeper movement in my heart. Although I offer many expressions of love to her, I know she is too young to acknowledge or respond to them, but her eyes speak to me of something that is unspoken. As our eyes search each other, there is a deep sense of mutual submission and love.

She does not understand love, but she knows it instinctively and receives it. Without words and with only a gaze, we are held together and suspended in time—beholding, receiving and embraced in this wondrous awe of life-affirming love!

I know these days will soon pass as she continues to grow, develop and become more aware of her surroundings. And while there will be many things I hope to teach and pass along to her in the future, for now, it is she who is impressing a holy wisdom upon me—to be vulnerable and have no recourse but to be held, and the transforming power of looking into the eyes of the lover and being the beloved.

I know my love for God will never match the love he has for me, but when I fix my gaze completely upon and search for him, he meets my gaze and speaks to me in the silence. Submitting myself to his love, I experience the fullness of life as a beloved child of God, and it is enough to keep me going.

So often our journey is to commit to God’s will in our life, but let us not forget to sit and be in awe of his wondrous love, to behold and be held and to receive. Let God be God, and let our hearts be stirred and united to his love already in us.

God is everywhere, if we simply slow down and keep our eyes open. His love breathes and speaks through all things, especially in what we can only behold—in the Eucharist, in nature and even in a newborn child!
 

(Jennifer Burger is program manager at Our Lady of Fatima Retreat House in Indianapolis and a member of St. Simon the Apostle Parish in Indianapolis. She is also a spiritual director.) †