Marriage and Family Life Supplement
Ministry leaders share ideas to help couples ‘celebrate, heal, renew their marriage’
Katherine Egan smiles at her husband Justin during a marriage event offered by All Saints Parish in Dearborn County on June 12, 2021. (Photo by Natalie Hoefer)
By Natalie Hoefer
“As the family goes, so goes the nation, and so goes the whole world in which we live.” So said St. John Paul II during a homily in Australia in 1986.
He could have added as a preface: “As marriage goes, so goes the family … .”
A loving, sacramental marriage takes time, effort and commitment. It also takes three—husband, wife and God.
“The world is getting a very flawed vision of what a marriage is, should and can be,” says Nathanael Rea, director of faith formation and evangelization at St. Malachy Parish in Brownsburg. “Because the world has been better at messaging, many Catholics follow what the world proposes.
“It’s our job, our role as Church to cast a supernatural vision for marriage as a sacramental covenant, a mirror of the love of God.”
Rea also notes that married couples “are meant to be in communion as man and wife, but also with others as man and wife—other couples with struggles, those in the same season of life, those who’ve been through those seasons.
“Married couples need a place to celebrate, to heal and renew their marriage and discuss what God’s plan for marriage is. It’s the role of the Church to bring healing and restoration, and reorder creation back to God and his plan.”
To accomplish this mission, parishes throughout central and southern Indiana offer various forms of marriage ministry.
In this article, leaders at St. Malachy, All Saints Parish in Dearborn County and Catalyst Catholic in the New Albany Deanery share ideas and tips to encourage the spread of parish marriage ministry in the archdiocese.
‘Resetting, putting Christ at the center’
Several years ago, All Saints received a grant from the Center for Congregations of Lilly Endowment, Inc., in Indianapolis, to enhance the parish’s ministry to young adults.
“We broke young adults into three groups—college, singles out of college and married,” says Claire Keck, the parish’s young adult and electronic evangelization coordinator.
With the grant money, the parish offered free retreats for married couples of all ages twice a year starting in 2019.
“We had such a great turnout, we kept offering the retreats after the grant ran out,” says Keck.
Each semi-annual event takes place on a Saturday evening in a hall on the parish’s St. John the Baptist campus. The format has evolved to include dinner, a speaker and adoration.
Keck tries to decorate the hall “so it looks really nice and inviting,” and adds that doing so doesn’t have to cost a fortune.
“We get plastic tablecloths and gold and white plates at Dollar Tree,” she says. “One time we had couples bring in china they got for their wedding. And we put candles on the tables, so the hall looks warm and inviting, and it feels more like a date night. People like that.”
One of the parish’s two priests offers a blessing before the dinner. Keck also works with them to identify topics and Catholic presenters, whether nationally known or local.
“We’ve focused on topics like communication, raising children, forgiveness, grieving the loss of a child, including miscarriage,” says Keck. “We’ve had a panel of couples married for different lengths of time, with time for questions and answers. One time we included dance lessons as part of the event.”
Keck recommends seeking feedback from participants to determine what works and what doesn’t.
“At first we tried a full-day retreat, eight hours, but cut it back to just an evening because the evaluations said it was too long,” she says.
Another change involved child care during the event. Keck says the service used to be offered, but “people didn’t use it.”
One recent addition was closing the evening with adoration led by a priest.
“We got great feedback on that,” she says. The couples “love having time to pray together at adoration and time to focus on each other.
“It’s all about resetting, putting Christ at the center of the marriage.”
Formation, community life ‘start in the home’
Catalyst Catholic primarily serves youths and supports youth ministers of parishes in the New Albany Deanery.
But it has also offered a series for married couples called Three Great Dates.
“Having a strong family is important to strong youth ministry,” says Kelli Reutman, evangelization and outreach coordinator for Catalyst Catholic. “Formation and community life all start in the home. So, it’s important for couples to have something to continue their formation after they’re married.”
The Three Great Dates series has provided that opportunity.
The three Saturday evening events begin by worshipping at the vigil Mass of the rotating host parish, followed by a catered dinner, a presentation by a Catholic speaker or couple, and time for questions and answers.
“Having interesting topics that speak to what it means to be married is important,” says Reutman. “We’ve had speakers from psychologists to marriage counselors to couples who’ve been married a long time. They’ve talked about things like fighting fair, supporting your spouse, the connection between marriage and the Eucharist.”
While there is a charge for each event, the cost is low and includes child care.
Unlike All Saints’ experience, “We’ve found one of the key things is offering child care, so all couples are able to come, especially when you have lots of young families,” says Reutman—proof that each parish marriage ministry needs to assess their own local needs.
‘Our job is to sow seeds’
As one of the largest parishes in the archdiocese, St. Malachy’s marriage ministry is broad, with help from the pastor, staff and a team of volunteers.
“We have date nights once a month, a formal dance in November, a marriage conference sometime in the spring, and we hand out books for people looking to heal, grow and encourage their marriage,” says Rea.
The parish is also considering offering The Third Option program, a series of classes designed to help couples build stronger marriages.
The monthly date nights, which always take place at the parish, “try to pair formation and fun,” says Rea.
“Formation” includes a presentation “like on the Theology of the Body or communication,” with time for discussion.
“Fun” has ranged from game nights, to watching a movie, to dance lessons, solving a murder mystery, an escape room and more.
The daylong marriage conference in the spring includes nationally- or locally-known Catholic speakers, discussion, Mass, time for prayer and lunch.
Rea has several practical tips for parishes or groups of parishes considering starting a marriage ministry—bearing in mind what works for each community might differ:
—“Experiment and see what kind of response you get. Then you can build from there.”
—“Don’t just advertise—invite people personally. You can have the best messaging, and people will say, ‘That looks nice, but I’m busy.’ But a personal, friendly invitation goes a long way.”
—“Make sure the content isn’t just about [helping] with problems. Also focus on the good.”
—“Make sure it doesn’t come across as this is a place for people in a troubled marriage—every marriage can grow.”
—“If your parish is small, work with other parishes. There’s great fruit that can come from parishes coming together—marriage ministry is too important to let the cop-out of ‘we’re small’ get in the way.”
—“Charge, even if it’s just $10. People are more likely to show up, and you don’t have to worry about buying stuff then have only a few show up.”
—“If you can swing it, child care really helps.”
Just as important—or perhaps even more—is Rea’s spiritual advice:
—“Any marriage ministry needs the blessing of the pastor and parish team to be successful. It has to be a collaboration between parish staff, the pastor and volunteers.”
—“Pray and discern what [marriage ministry] should look like where you are. What do marriages in your community need?”
—“Don’t be too hard on yourself when not as many people show up. Our job is to sow seeds—we don’t always see the fruit. But if you’re doing God’s will, there will be signs of fruit.”
(For guidance in starting a parish or multi-parish marriage ministry, contact archdiocesan Office of Marriage and Family Life director Gabriela Ross at gross@archindy.org or 317-592-4007.) †
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