Journey of the Heart / Jennifer Burger

A car’s special feature drives home the point of how God steers our lives when we are vulnerable

(This week, we introduce a new monthly column, “Journey of the Heart,” written by Jennifer Burger.)

This past fall, we purchased a used car and with all things new, it took some adjusting to the features and “feel” of it. Most notable for me was the “Stop-Start” technology, a feature we never had previously in any of our vehicles.

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this technology, when you fully engage the brake, the running engine turns off. When you are ready to move, you release the brake, and the engine starts again. The driver has the option to fully engage the brake with an engine stop or partially engage where the engine keeps running. I was curious about this and decided to see how I liked it.

At first, it felt a little uncomfortable as I felt exposed sitting in a car “parked” in the middle of a busy intersection or in traffic. One of the first questions I asked myself was “Am I safe?” after which came the litany of “what if’s”—What if I need to make a quick getaway. … What if my car doesn’t restart …?

This reminded me of how it feels to be vulnerable. Even when I know that God does his best work in me when I’m vulnerable, it is still an uncomfortable and sometimes fearful place to be.

As I continued to sit in the silence of my car, an interesting thing happened—I became more aware of my surroundings and how I am connected to it all.

Everything in my head seemed to fall by the wayside, and my heart was filled with a deep sense of peace. I was surprised at how calm I felt in this vulnerable place. When the light turned green, I released the brake and continued on my way, somehow lighter and with a renewed vigor to engage in the day.

This is how God works in our lives. God meets us where we are vulnerable and gives us what we need so that we can move forward and grow with greater confidence. But why is it so hard for us to open ourselves to this? Is it possible to surrender without sacrificing safety—without fear? For me, this Stop-Start technology has shed some valuable light on these questions.

It helps to first understand the benefits of this technology: it conserves gas, and it is good for the environment. Applying this to our own journey, we find that it helps us, and it helps others. It ultimately comes down to whether we are idling or coming to a complete stop.

When we are idle, our engines are still running—our energy is spent on our own thoughts and activities that occupy our time. It is a tight space, but it is “our” space. There is safety in this, but we often get nowhere and are of little use to anyone else.

On the other hand, when we come to a complete stop, we let go of the “busy” that occupies our minds and our time. We surrender to stillness … we sit … and let the space around us expand … giving our questions and fears room to settle or dissipate, and we come into the presence of God … and our hearts are free to receive the graces that God desires to give us. This is being vulnerable.

Like fully engaging the brake in our cars, stopping and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is a choice and takes some effort, but we can do so, confident and secure in the knowledge that God will always restart our engine, giving us what we need to move forward and to engage in the world.
 

(Jennifer Burger is program manager at Our Lady of Fatima Retreat House in Indianapolis and a member of St. Simon the Apostle Parish in Indianapolis. She is also a spiritual director.) †