Pastoral Ministries / Madison Cipoletti

Engaged couples: A business transaction or a welcoming home?

Imagine the scene: A young man planning for a surprise proposal, all dressed up, a ring in his pocket. A young woman who has dreamt of her wedding day since she was a little girl, hoping and waiting for him to ask. Down on one knee he goes and asks the question. An exclamatory, “Yes!” from his future bride follows.

Unfortunately, this story is happening less and less in the U.S. today.

In a recent report, census data is showing that marriage rates in the U.S. dropped to an all-time low in 2019. (cutt.ly/2hkF7s7)

Not only are young people less likely to get married, they are leaving the Church in droves. Eighty percent of those who leave the Catholic faith do so by the age of 23, according to a 2009 Pew research study called “Faith in Flux: Changes in the Religious Affiliation in the U.S.”

Of course, serving in young adult ministry, these statistics grab my attention and reaffirm some perspectives I believe we as a Church should consider when it comes to marriage preparation.

When a young engaged couple reaches out seeking the sacrament of holy matrimony, how do we treat them? Are we treating them as a business transaction with boxes to check, or are we recognizing that we could be welcoming them back home forever?

When I think about young couples who have drifted from the faith, but seeking marriage in the Church, I see the Father’s compassion in the parable of the Prodigal Son as a perfect example to all members of the Church.

When the father “caught sight of him, [he] was filled with compassion. He ran to his son, embraced him and kissed him” (Lk 15:20). No judgment, no questions, no explanation needed, the father simply rejoiced at his son’s return.

The father provides us with a model of mercy and joy that we should follow to welcome young adults who return to the Church, whether for marriage, the baptism of their child or Christmas.

When young adults return to the Church, do they feel like they’re home? No matter where they’ve been, what they’ve done or how long they’ve been away, do they feel accepted and welcomed?

To help us better welcome young couples to our communities, here are some practical thoughts to consider:

Parish staff: Who answers the phone or makes the first phone call to a couple seeking to get married? Do they take the time to get to know the couple’s story, how they met, why they want to get married and why at this particular parish? Consider adding inviting and celebratory language to your parish website’s page about the sacrament of matrimony. Again—it’s a big deal to commit your life to marrying someone, especially in today’s culture. Make them feel celebrated!

Priests: We appreciate everything you do and know that you’re extremely busy. But one small step you can take when you meet with a young couple if you don’t already, is to get to know the young couple, how they met, what they like to do together, why they want to get married and why in your parish. This future family could lead to more volunteers, ministries, vocations and tithing in your parish.

Parishioners: We are the family of God! How are you greeting young people at Mass? Many long for intergenerational relationships, and the parish family is a great place to form those relationships.

Community: Consider connecting the young couple to a young adult group, or another young couple in the parish so they can build personal connections to the parish family. Our office would be happy to have a longer conversation with your parish about welcoming young couples into the fold. Please email us.

Just like the young woman declared her “Yes!” to the young man’s invitation to marriage, so too, we hope for the people of God to invite young couples into their parish families with great love and enthusiasm.
 

(Madison Cipoletti is the director of the archdiocesan Office of Young Adult and College Campus Ministry in the Pastoral Ministries Secretariat. If you would like to talk more with her about welcoming engaged couples at your parish, she can be reached at mcipoletti@archindy.org. For more information on the Indianapolis-based ministry to young adults, visit indycatholic.org.) †