May 18, 2007

My Journey to God

In the Wilderness

Self is the enemy, always Self:
Looking inward, ever clamoring,
Loud, demanding, pride enamoring,
Treacherous, troublesome Self.

Useless, apathetic Self.
“I want, I will, I should, I must”—
All good intents that come to dust
Because of self-imposing Self.

I would escape this endless Self,
This part of me that holds me fast
With lies and thoughts of failures past,
That keeps my eyes from seeing You.

That keeps my ears from hearing You.
That interrupts, takes hostage prayer
And keeps me weak and in despair
Beyond your Peace.

I am so tired of fighting Self
In vain. Lord, in Your forty days
Of wilderness and desert ways
Did doubting enter in?

“Deny thyself, and follow Me,”
You said. And Lord, I try
To silence the incessant cry
Of foolish, needy Self.

Be Thou my strength, I beg Thee. Please
Forgive the Self that hinders me
From all that You would have me be,
And makes the devil laugh.

By Linda Abner

(Linda Abner is a member of Our Lady of Lourdes Parish in Indianapolis.)

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