Reflection / John Shaughnessy

What do we owe each other? Readers share their thoughts—and the gift of a smile

The woman’s answer made me smile.

Her answer came in response to a question I asked readers of The Criterion—a question originally posed by Holy Cross Father Robert Dowd when he became the 18th president of the University of Notre Dame last year.

Seeing how people in our country have increasingly become divided, Father Dowd sought a positive path of common ground going forward, asking, “What do we owe each other?”

When Vickie Ernstes saw that question in The Criterion, the member of St. Joseph Parish in Jennings County felt compelled to share what she described as her first reaction to the question.

“It’s pretty short and simple,” she began in her e-mail. “I believe we owe each other smiles—smiles of recognition because we are all children of the same Father, God. Not everyone will smile back, so you may not know how your smile affected them, but don’t let that keep you from smiling.”

Ernstes then described the impact that smiles have made at the St. Vincent de Paul Thrift Store in North Vernon where she volunteers.

“It takes a lot of volunteers to staff a thrift store, so I know a lot of folks who smile,” she noted. “Our little store is one of the happiest places in town. As Vincentians, we strive to see the face of Christ in everyone we meet, and that’s the main reason we smile so much. Most of our customers must see the face of Christ in us because most of them smile a lot, too. Smiling is not too difficult. Just give it a try. God is watching you, and he’s smiling, too.”

The responses of other readers also made me smile.

When we invited people to share their responses to “What do we owe each other?”, we said their answers could range from one word to a personal story. Dave Stuhldreher of Immaculate Heart of Mary Parish in Indianapolis came the closest to the one-word possibility when he succinctly and profoundly responded, “Our Best.”

Melissa Douglas of SS. Francis and Clare of Assisi Parish in Greenwood focused on the gift of patience, noting, “Patience helps us to be a better listener of our neighbor. Patience slows us down and opens our heart to the Holy Spirit who knows what our neighbor needs to hear.”

For John Kreuzman, the path to unity starts with an emphasis on respect.

“It would be a much better world if we could reach some type of common ground and be respectful of each other’s lives,” says Kreuzman, a member of St. Barnabas Parish in Indianapolis. “We don’t always have to agree, but we should find a way to love each other.”

In his thoughtful consideration of the question, Stephen Kappes of Holy Name of Jesus Parish in Beech Grove shared two guiding approaches for all of our relationships.

“We owe each other our deep presence, that willingness to walk with those who are entrusted by Divine Providence into our care,” he noted.

“We owe each other kindness wrapped in empathy,” he added.

My response to the question focuses on the virtues of dignity, grace and forgiveness.

As our faith tells us that we are all made in the image and likeness of God, we should treat each other from that common bond of dignity.

As we are all imperfect, we need to give each other—and ourselves—grace, accepting our and others’ limitations while also helping each other grow toward the people God wants us to be.

As we strive to be the people God wants us to be, we all need to forgive others for the times they hurt us and fall short of our hopes for them. We also need to forgive ourselves—and make amends—for the times we hurt others and fall short of our hopes for us.

And one more thought about what we owe each other. Often, it involves making a conscious effort to say “thank you” more.

Now, what do you think we owe each other?

It’s time for each of us to live our answer.
 

(John Shaughnessy is assistant editor of The Criterion. He can be reached at jshaughnessy@archindy.org.) †