An adult daughter views with awe the great gift her mom has given her parents
Susan Roszczyk, left, and her daughter, Sara Cave, pose for a photo. (Submitted photo)
(In anticipation of Mother’s Day on May 10, The Criterion has invited readers to share favorite stories about their moms. Here is one of our readers’ stories.)
By John Shaughnessy
In the life of a family, children frequently look up to a parent, seeing someone who loves them, someone they long to be like some day.
In the life of a family, a teenager often focuses on the flaws of parents, leading the youth to seek a distance from his or her mom and dad.
Then there are the times in a family when an adult child views his or her parents in a different light again—in a way that makes them appreciate the parents and maybe even be in awe of them.
Sara Cave has found herself in that “adult child” moment as she has watched her mother, Susan Roszczyk—especially in the way that her mom has taken care of her elderly parents.
“The week after Christmas, after a brief illness, my mother said goodbye to her 95-year-old father. The same week, we moved my mom’s 93-year-old mother to a memory care facility,” recalls Cave, a member of St. Bartholomew Parish in Columbus. “The transition was a whirlwind, a grueling one for all of us, but especially for my mom.”
In a way, Roszczyk’s care and involvement in those two heartbreaking moments mirrored the extra measure of love she has given her parents ever since they moved from Ohio to Indiana in 2000, after the couple lost their only son unexpectedly, Cave notes.
“My mother was the sole remaining sibling, so a move to be closer to family, myself included, seemed like an obvious one, certainly one that provided hope for a happy future,” Cave shares. “But over the years, it came with a cascade of responsibilities that fell squarely on the shoulders of my mom.
“Beyond the duty of comforting aging, grieving parents was a mélange of cancer diagnoses, a triple bypass surgery, a heart valve replacement, [and] a dementia diagnosis, among other things.”
There were also the everyday requests—ranging from help with grocery shopping during the COVID-19 pandemic to assistance with the remote control for the television.
And Cave saw her mom continually rise to the occasion for her parents.
“One hundred percent of the time, my mother answered the phone, showed up, listened patiently, and served quietly and selflessly. Somewhere along the way, she became their mother. On the rare occasion that I could sense her frustration, she’d remind us both that she was blessed to have both parents still alive and married for over 70 years.
“She’d make plans, even schedule trips, only to see them unravel with each new bump in the road. She never hesitated to put their needs ahead of her own desires, just as every good mother does. No doubt, there had to have been moments of exasperation, isolation and invisibility.”
As a parent of nine children herself with her husband Eric, Cave knows those feelings.
“I’ve felt those waves of emotion as well as anyone,” she notes. “From my perspective, I could see the burden of providing increasing support with day-to-day tasks while still preserving the dignity and honor that elderly adults, especially parents, deserve.”
Dignity and honor. Cave has seen how her mom—who is also a member of St. Bartholomew Parish—has given her parents those two gifts. Cave also knows that her mother has lived those two gifts.
“The commitment, the patience, the generosity and the compassion required seems other worldly,” Cave says about a child caring for a parent. “And to know that a ‘win’ is a peaceful death for the two who brought you into the world, that kind of selflessness is admirable but also heart wrenching.”
As a child, Cave knew she was loved by her mom. She longed to be like her, too. She still does.
“I am thankful for my mom for so many reasons. But this year, I’m especially grateful for the ways in which I’ve watched her mother in this season, caring beautifully for her parents as their earthly lives come to an end.
“If God allows me the opportunity to care for my own mom someday, I can only pray I’ll have the same strength and tender care that my mom has shown. At least I can say that I will have had a stellar example of it.” †
