A mom’s best recipe: Add humor, faith and love to flavor life

Ginny Maher, left, praises the way her mom, Mary Gin, has always put her children, family and friends first, with a love that embraces all, especially during the challenges of life. (Photo courtesy of Pat Maher)

(Editor’s note: The Criterion invited you, our readers, to share your stories and tributes about motherhood from two perspectives—the gift of having your mom and the gift of being a mom. We’ve received so many wonderful responses that we will share them throughout May, the month of Mother’s Day and a month dedicated to the Blessed Mother. Here is the first story.)
 

By John Shaughnessy

The humor of 93-year-old Mary Gin shows in the sign that has long had a prominent place in her kitchen, “Many people have eaten in this kitchen and

gone on to lead normal, healthy lives.”

The wisdom of this mother of nine children shows in the way she answered someone who asked her if she had a favorite child: “I loved the one in most need at the time. You love them all, but when you see one who has a problem, you want to fix that right away—do what you can.”

As for the faith and the love she has shown throughout her life—often in the face of heartbreak and challenge—it will take a while to share all the examples that capture that spirit.

“My mother learned resilience at a young age,” says Ginny Maher, Gin’s daughter. “Born during the Great Depression, Mom was the youngest of eight children, growing up on a farm. Her older brother, Lawrence, was killed in World War II when she was 13 years old. A year later, her mother died of pancreatic cancer.”

Later, there were tough times of a different kind when she married a man of Chinese descent whom she met at the restaurant where she worked as a waitress and he as a cook.

“In 1955, interracial marriages were not initially accepted by friends or relatives,” Maher says about her parents’ wedding. “In time, of course, my wonderful dad diffused those biases.”

For Gin, one of the many great blessings of her marriage to her husband Gan was that she had found someone who shared her approach to life.

“There was always room for someone else,” says Gin, a member of St. Barnabas Parish in Indianapolis. “We could always accommodate something that needed to be taken care of. We didn’t put us first. It was the kids, family and friends.”

That approach shined through in remarkable ways.

‘Just do it’

“Our parents sponsored dad’s brother’s family of five, who arrived from China to the U.S.A. in need of temporary housing. Mom and Dad opened a bedroom in our home for their use. They just did it,” says Maher about the family’s three-bedroom, 1 ½ bathroom house.

“When my Chinese grandma’s cancer returned and she became terminally ill, Mom converted our dining room into a hospice area. We cared for her at home, where she spent her final days on Earth.

“When Mom’s older sister also experienced the diagnosis of terminal cancer, Mom converted a room for her care, allowing her to be surrounded by family before she passed.

“When Dad experienced a neuromuscular disease that in three years took away his ability to swallow, talk and walk, after 52 years of marriage, she cared for him at home, too. We said goodbye to him in the living room of their southside home in the company of family members.”

For Gin, her philosophy toward addressing life’s challenges all comes down to, “Just do it.”

“I had great parents,” Gin says. “They always taught us to look at things, make a decision and go forward with it. There are a lot of things I had to make decisions on quickly. I’m sure my faith had a lot to do with this. I prayed and thought about it, but then you have to make a decision.”

Maher adds, “Mom’s motivation and actions refuse to dwell on the problem or consider the inconveniences. Instead, she resolutely moves onto what is needed in any given circumstance.”

She took the same approach of faith and love with her children.

Hospitality, generosity, extended family

“When I asked how in the world she raised nine children during a time when microwaves, automatic washers and dryers, and many modern-day conveniences were not yet invented, she said, ‘I just did it,’ ” says Maher, a member of SS. Peter and Paul Cathedral Parish in Indianapolis. “Mom and Dad sent all nine of their children to Catholic grade school and high schools, no small or inexpensive feat. They just did it.”

The couple’s approach of putting others first also extended to neighbors as Gin shared meals and holiday gifts with them.

That sense of hospitality, generosity and extended family continues every Sunday afternoon as she invites family and friends to her home. There, she usually places a beef roast in a crockpot, adding potatoes, carrots and onions, then complementing that main dish with a salad for everyone to enjoy. Times of playing Euchre or watching sports follow.

“Mom’s kitchen is her space for welcoming and feeding guests who were expected or just stopped by,” Maher says. “Our family has a few ‘adopted siblings’ who came into our family not by birth, but via Mom’s nurturing, listening ears and words of wisdom. Almost no one leaves Mom’s kitchen without eating and/or taking home leftovers.”

Gin downplays the praise, describing her cooking as “down-to-earth, not fancy, just fills the stomach.”

She has the same down-to-earth feeling about her success as a mother.

“I don’t think I was the best mother, but I was the best mother I could have been at the time,” she says. “I tried.”

Still, there is no downplaying the way she and her husband helped to feed and nurture the dreams and the futures of their children—Benjamin, Catherine, Florence, Lawrence, Gan Arthur, Theresa, Michael, Dianna and Ginny. Eight of them have college degrees, four have added graduate degrees, and all have found success in their own way.

‘You know what is important in life’

Maher describes her mother’s success as living life on a foundation of faith, family and love.

“The gifts of having my mom and being a mother are summed up in the song, ‘They Will Know We Are Christians by Our Love,’ ” she says. “Mom’s decisions and actions consistently demonstrate her dedication to my dad, their marriage, family members and friends, and her devotion to her faith.”

They’re the gifts that Maher has shared with her daughters, Kathleen and Lizzie.

“In our daughters’ upbringing, I endeavored to instill the importance of being resilient, living authentically and doing what is right. Daily, I seek to love unconditionally and serve others generously—just like Mom,” Maher says.

As for Gin, she has her thoughts set on the best gift she hopes to receive on this Mother’s Day.

“To have all the kids come and bring their families,” says Gin, who is also a grandmother of 19 and a great-grandmother of 13. “I like to sit back and observe. I don’t have to be a partaker anymore. I just like to see them all get along. And I love it when the cousins get together, really interact and keep up.

“As you grow older, you know what is important in life. I think the family core needs to be strengthened very much.”

Toward that goal, the crockpot will be warming up in the kitchen where a sign reads, “Many people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal, healthy lives.”

Lives that have also been filled by a mother’s love. †